This somewhat reflects what I have seen happening. Parents of gender questioning kids have been put in a terrible position by supposed experts. It is extremely difficult to support normal exploration of identity when gender ideology invades that space, as it halts natural exploration, forcing the kid to cement who they are before they have developed. Your portrait of the autism expert is perfect. Can a kid just be odd, gifted, or awkward anymore? No: they must be diagnosed by a young expert who has a concerning interest in your kid's gender. Good for you for politely saying no and trying to walk the line for your kid. You are not alone in your experience of all the "helpful" adults in your kid's world making everything worse.
Thank you so much. Beautifully put - gender ideology is so limiting, and is very much about adults meeting their need to feel virtuous. For young children, it forces them to engage with the world in a way they are not ready to. I wish I'd done more to protect my friend's daughter.
Something in gender ideology steals a brick or two of childhood. It destabilizes, derails and sucks the resources into dark, unproductive spaces. Is gender ideology creating people who will have lifelong problems with emotions and assessing what it real and what it magical thinking?
Thank you for your gem “Soft Focus”. Abiding with you on this unwanted path.
It's crazy how widespread this is. I had very similar experiences with my daughter: doctors who were meeting her for the first time, pushing her to medically transition based solely on the name and pronouns she walked into the appointments with. I've also had a mental health counselor, hired to treat anxiety, and not gender dysphoria, tell my daughter, at the first meeting, that the counselor's job was to "get your mom up to speed" about all things transgender - not help my daughter with her anxiety. This same counselor wrote to my child's school offering referrals to the Trevor Project so that someone could come provide training to the staff and teachers on how to treat their trans-identified students.
My daughter is now 19. She showed signs of desisting last year before going to college. Unfortunately, she went into gender inclusive housing in the dorm, with 3 FtM suitemates, one in the process of medically transitioning. After being immersed in this environment, and after a very challenging year socially, where the only people in her corner were her roommates, my daughter came home for the summer fully entrenched in a male identity with, I think, an intention to medically transition. I believe her thinking has softened over the summer. She knows we do not support medically transitioning. It has been a long and painful road since this all started in 2020, during Covid lockdowns. The one positive is that I think we both feel like we have started to reconnect and become closer. My hope is that she will not do something I know in my heart she will regret ... at least until her brain is fully developed and she has had some life experiences so that she can actually understand what she is signing up for.
I’m sending you all good wishes. I’m so happy she’s putting her energy back into her connection with her loving parents. She’s lucky to have you. I hope she has a better year next year.
You were smart to try to find the best way to get out of there as quickly as possible. The medical establishment will ask leading Questions, designed to "capture" YOU. The medical establishment is itself a captured agency, beholden to the big money maker of "gender-affirming care".
For every person that they convince to go on that medical merry go-round, they make upwards of 1 million dollars.
Thank you for reading! It's especially difficult to go against people who are authorities - doctors, teachers, psychiatrists - when the stakes couldn't be higher. Your child shouldn't be someone's political project or source of income. But, there have always been people who exploit children.
So true. And, the particular hazard I was writing about was the idea that one could lose custody of their children for refusing to give them gender affirming care. A quick look at the groups that supported the (now vetoed) AB 957 in CA is telling. It includes the CA PTA. https://calmatters.digitaldemocracy.org/bills/ca_202320240ab957
This somewhat reflects what I have seen happening. Parents of gender questioning kids have been put in a terrible position by supposed experts. It is extremely difficult to support normal exploration of identity when gender ideology invades that space, as it halts natural exploration, forcing the kid to cement who they are before they have developed. Your portrait of the autism expert is perfect. Can a kid just be odd, gifted, or awkward anymore? No: they must be diagnosed by a young expert who has a concerning interest in your kid's gender. Good for you for politely saying no and trying to walk the line for your kid. You are not alone in your experience of all the "helpful" adults in your kid's world making everything worse.
Thank you so much. Beautifully put - gender ideology is so limiting, and is very much about adults meeting their need to feel virtuous. For young children, it forces them to engage with the world in a way they are not ready to. I wish I'd done more to protect my friend's daughter.
Something in gender ideology steals a brick or two of childhood. It destabilizes, derails and sucks the resources into dark, unproductive spaces. Is gender ideology creating people who will have lifelong problems with emotions and assessing what it real and what it magical thinking?
Thank you for your gem “Soft Focus”. Abiding with you on this unwanted path.
Thank you so much, Holly! Yes, sometimes I think grown-ups forget how difficult it is to be a child.
Couldn't agree with this more .
You need to write a book! You have a great way of writing and expressing your thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you for reading and for your encouragement! <3
It's crazy how widespread this is. I had very similar experiences with my daughter: doctors who were meeting her for the first time, pushing her to medically transition based solely on the name and pronouns she walked into the appointments with. I've also had a mental health counselor, hired to treat anxiety, and not gender dysphoria, tell my daughter, at the first meeting, that the counselor's job was to "get your mom up to speed" about all things transgender - not help my daughter with her anxiety. This same counselor wrote to my child's school offering referrals to the Trevor Project so that someone could come provide training to the staff and teachers on how to treat their trans-identified students.
I’m so sorry you had that experience! How are you all doing now?
My daughter is now 19. She showed signs of desisting last year before going to college. Unfortunately, she went into gender inclusive housing in the dorm, with 3 FtM suitemates, one in the process of medically transitioning. After being immersed in this environment, and after a very challenging year socially, where the only people in her corner were her roommates, my daughter came home for the summer fully entrenched in a male identity with, I think, an intention to medically transition. I believe her thinking has softened over the summer. She knows we do not support medically transitioning. It has been a long and painful road since this all started in 2020, during Covid lockdowns. The one positive is that I think we both feel like we have started to reconnect and become closer. My hope is that she will not do something I know in my heart she will regret ... at least until her brain is fully developed and she has had some life experiences so that she can actually understand what she is signing up for.
I’m sending you all good wishes. I’m so happy she’s putting her energy back into her connection with her loving parents. She’s lucky to have you. I hope she has a better year next year.
Well done. Aside from that ; what is "autism"? Because it's not clear, and maybe that's the point ?
Thanks so much. Apologies, I’m not sure I understand your question.:) I’m not sure what autism is, at the end of the day. Here is a CDC summary of the criteria in the DSM 5: https://www.cdc.gov/autism/hcp/diagnosis/index.html If you have access, here’s a direct link: https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/epub/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596. Thanks again for reading my nonsense.
Hi Hecate,
You were smart to try to find the best way to get out of there as quickly as possible. The medical establishment will ask leading Questions, designed to "capture" YOU. The medical establishment is itself a captured agency, beholden to the big money maker of "gender-affirming care".
For every person that they convince to go on that medical merry go-round, they make upwards of 1 million dollars.
Oh wow. Yes, the bit of therapy we did cost THOUSANDS of dollars. Thank you, Joanna.
Thank you for reading! It's especially difficult to go against people who are authorities - doctors, teachers, psychiatrists - when the stakes couldn't be higher. Your child shouldn't be someone's political project or source of income. But, there have always been people who exploit children.
So true. And, the particular hazard I was writing about was the idea that one could lose custody of their children for refusing to give them gender affirming care. A quick look at the groups that supported the (now vetoed) AB 957 in CA is telling. It includes the CA PTA. https://calmatters.digitaldemocracy.org/bills/ca_202320240ab957
Women and children are often the collateral damage of culture wars.